It's Good News

I got all my results back and they did not find cancer anywhere else in my body! I am pretty unremarkable which is a good thing in the medical world. 

The last 24-48 hours have been rather difficult. I really had peace about the results, good or bad, I knew that God was in control. What I struggled with is knowing there was an answer and having to wait on that answer. I wanted to jump in the car and drive to Houston just to talk to someone and feel like I was doing something productive. But that's obviously ridiculous. My friend, Jessica, empathized with all the hard feelings I was having and then reminded me that despite the weight of it all, the Lord's mercies are new every morning. His steadfast love never ceases. He is faithful through it all. I knew it all but the weight of the moment was starting to overwhelm. Times like these are why it's important to have community around you that will love and support but also push you when you need it. I needed help out of the darkness and God provided that. 

I woke up this morning to a notification that test results were posted. I didn't know if I would feel relief because the future just seems so unknowable but I did. I felt relief and immediately felt like I could start making plans. I had put off planning anything (even meals or just fun things) not knowing if we would have to turn around and go right back to Houston. 

The future is still uncertain (with everyone but especially when cancer is involved). I haven't talked to the doctor yet but in our initial appointment she had said that if all went well she would want to start rescans in 3 months. So I assume we will head back mid November for that. We will likely have to do scans for years to come but I am grateful that we are in a holding pattern for now. 

Thank you so much for your prayers and support this last month. It was been an interesting summer to say the least. It feels good to feel the weather change a little bit as our season of life changes a little bit. Life still feels heavy. It really is still settling in that I had cancer growing in my body for the last year and a half at least. It's terrifying but also makes me so grateful to God that he protected me. I can look back over the last year and a half and see how he was preparing me for all of this. I remember the gut feeling I had a year ago that there was something more going on than we knew. 

There is a lot wrong with the medical world. No system is perfect. The same doctor that I credit with starting the process of finding the cancer is the same doctor that prescribed progesterone in order to start my period to avoid getting uterine cancer. Had I started taking that, it would have masked my symptoms, fed the tumor, and possibly caused it to rupture and spread cancer throughout my body. I listened to my doctors but I used discretion that I credit to God (I'm not that smart). They didn't know to test for this cancer because it's so rare. My surgeon had never even seen this type of cancer before. But God. God knew, he moved, he cleared the path. 

So, we wait and watch. But our hope never changes because it's not in results but in a steadfast God who never fails. 

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases: his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

In the mean time- let me know if you need some fall pictures done! We have lots of bills on the way... (photo courtesy of a 3 year old) 

I finished my embroidery project- So glad Joel suggested I find something to do with my hands because this took care of a lot of my nerves!