The diagnosis

If you’re here you probably know me or someone that loves me. Maybe we only met once or maybe we have known each other for the past 36 years. Whatever our relationship may or may not be, I pray that you would see God’s love and truth through my words. 

I am probably the last person that needs to be writing this. My thoughts turned into words tend to be… less than eloquent. But what I am hoping is that God gives me the words to say. That this would be His words and not mine. 

So with all of that said we got THE diagnosis that no one wants to hear.  

So let me back track and tell you how we got here. (Fair warning: The following is filled with TMI. Scroll down if you want to skip all the details and get to the point)  My daughter Audrey is 3. After I had her I was breastfeeding and my period came back at about 9 months postpartum. It was pretty consistent until I stopped breast feeding her around 18 months. At that point my cycle kept getting longer and longer. 63 days. 97 days. 112 days. Now here we are on day 438. Back in September 2024 I made an appointment with my obgyn. 

She ordered a few blood tests as well as an ultrasound to see if there was any obvious answer. The blood test didn’t reveal anything but the ultrasound showed a mass in my right ovary and fibroids in the left. Some signs were pointing to PCOS. What’s PCOS? Read that here. One thing that can affect PCOS is weight so she politely hinted that I could try to lose 5-10 pounds and see if that changed anything. She also suggested that we wait and see. There was no way of knowing what the mass was without going in to get it and it could have been so many things such as a cyst that would resolve itself. She wanted to see me back in 3-4 months to do another ultrasound and see if there was any change. So being a motivated individual- I started lifting and did the carnivore diet for a couple of months. I lost 5-10 pounds but there was no change. 

December of 2024. Another ultrasound and more bloodwork. The mass seemed to have shrunk a very small amount. At this point she gave us some options. I don’t remember all of them but the two I was willing to consider was taking progesterone to force a period (because of the risk of uterine cancer when a period is absent for a sustained amount of time) or removal of the right ovary. She didn’t push surgery but said that if I wanted to consider it she would do it since there was no way of knowing what it was. But she did highly recommend at least doing the progesterone. 

Like a typical hard-headed individual I decided to try a few other things before I resorted to taking hormones. It felt more like a bandaid than a solution. For the next 3 months I tried some natural remedy things but nothing worked. So I had decided that I wanted a second opinion and to find someone that actually took my insurance (I had been paying out of pocket because our insurance changed in that time between Audrey’s birth and the extra long cycles). 

June 30th- This new doc thought it was pointless that my former doc had done imaging because “that’s not going to tell you anything” and he ultimately ended up prescribing progesterone. Since I had told him about the unknown mass in my right ovary he wanted to follow up on that just to be safe but was pretty certain they weren’t going to find anything. Turns out the mass has almost tripled in size since the December imaging. 

** If you were scrolling past the TMI now would be the time to stop**

Ultimately we decided the tumor and ovary needed to be removed asap. So two weeks later (July 16) I had an oophorectomy. He removed my right ovary and both fallopian tubes. During my pre-op appointment he had said that sometimes cancer can be obvious so if that was the case he would have an oncologist there when I woke up. So naturally the first thing I said upon waking up and seeing my husband was, “cancer?” The initial answer was no. It wasn’t obvious.  Doc said it was smooth and was consistent with a benign tumor but we would obviously have to wait for pathology to be certain. This was a huge relief because I knew that if it was obvious to the naked eye that it was probably not good. 

So we waited. Healing from the surgery was rough. He had to make one of the incisions a little bigger to get the tumor out so I was very sore for a while. Then Tuesday July, 22 we got the call that pathology had come back as cancer. It’s not the typical ovarian cancer but a tumor called a granulosa. It’s slow growing. It is possible that it was fully contained in the right ovary that was removed. It is also possible that it has spread. Treatment could just be monitoring for the foreseeable future. Or they could want to do more. Possible full hysterectomy and/or chemo. 

At this point we are just waiting. I got an initial appointment scheduled with a gynecological oncologist on August 8. The doctor is out of town so when he gets back he will review my records and decide if he needs to get me in sooner. 

It has been a roller coaster of emotions but God has been my comfort with every twist and turn. 

It’s not okay but I’m okay. 

I am living in the tension of the unknown but also knowing that God does know. 

He works all things for our good and His glory. He WILL be glorified through this broken body. Of that, I have no doubt. 

I am not telling myself that it will probably be okay because it might not be okay. There is no comfort in false hope. I am however telling myself that God is still on the throne. He is my hope. He is my joy. In the midst of the storm He is my anchor that will never fail. 

These past 3 weeks have been so long and such a blur at the same time. My village has surrounded me and begged me to let them help out with anything and everything. They have prayed hard and sent me scripture daily. They listen and let me walk to the edge of the cliff of fear, frustration, or sadness without telling me that everything is going to be okay. They vehemently agree with me when I start taking steps back from the edge with the truth of God’s word. 

I cannot adequately express the impact of friends that will listen because while I am generally okay I absolutely have had my low moments. There have been a lot of tears and my people don’t try to stop the tears- they cry with me. If I start going too far down the fear road they don't correct me, they walk me back with the only truth that matters- God has it. He has me and my family and there is nothing that is going to change that.

So- we wait. And as we wait we will dwell on the truth. 

Psalm 136- His faithful love endures forever. 

Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭

When you pass through the waters,  I will be with you,  and the rivers will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire,  you will not be scorched, and the flame will not burn you. For I am the Lord your God,  the Holy One of Israel, and your Savior.  

‭‭

Psalm 23 

The Lord is my shepherd;  I have what I need.  He lets me lie down in green pastures;  he leads me beside quiet waters.  He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths  for his name’s sake.  Even when I go through the darkest valley,  I fear no danger, for you are with me;  your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil;  my cup overflows.  Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life,  and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live.

Side note: So many people have offered to bring meals and help with anything and everything. If that time comes I promise we will post ways that you can help.